One of the tell tale signs of being close to your tipping point is giving your spouse the look. Without uttering a word, when you give the look you're effectively saying, “How did I get myself into this mess ?!#! And, by the way, this is YOUR fault!” It’s a terrible feeling when you have no reasonable means by which to vent your frustration. Often it is this look of total defeat that says it all. Parenting is stressful business- there’s no arguing that.
The look is commonly exchanged at our house, especially on week nights. The boys are usually running circles around us, winding up for the big crash and burn at bedtime. It’s almost never a good scene trying to keep them gainfully occupied while we busy ourselves with post-work household chores. Someone needs to unpack the lunch boxes, empty the dishwasher, feed the pets, walk the dog, and get dinner going. The list is endless. And it feels endless thanks to all of the interruptions. I usually work and yap instructions simultaneously, “No, you can’t run in the house with scissors,” or, “Bassem, give Austin back his Woofy,” or, “Please don’t kick the dog,” and my favorite, “It’s not OK to (fill in the blank).” I often wonder why I left the comfort and peace of the office!
All I know is that our kids find it comical that they can frustrate the heck out of us. As soon as they pick up on the fact that they pushed a button, it becomes a full force, tag team effort to execute the misdemeanor again, and again, and again. It’s not long before the look is exchanged, followed by the other parent stepping in to take over. A good example of this often involves “constructive” play in the kitchen while I’m making dinner. The boys sit at their toddler table working on a craft while I cook and Larry monitors. One child irritates the other, squabbling and wailing ensue, and Larry steps in to level the playing field. The squabbling begins again. Children and toys are redirected. Tensions rise. A full-on temper tantrum brings down the house. I get the look, and Larry retreats to the living room. One or more twins is marched to time out. Now we're all irritated- the boys with each other, and us with the strain of trying to manage our toddlers.
This scene would wear anyone down over time….. which is why it's so important to get away! Regular time spent as a couple, under the guise of how things “used to be,” is the only remedy. I really dig date nights. Pre-kids, when friends mentioned that they were going on a date night, I remember thinking, “That is so corny- who does that??” I didn’t realize how impossible it is to have “normal” conversations or interactions amongst the chaos of small children. If you are not 100% focused on their needs or channeling their energy in a positive manner at all times, boy, are you in for a shocker. Or, as Austin would say, “Ohhhh, maaannnn!”
So these days, I just about LIVE for date nights. I know there will come a point in our marriage where they are not important to have on the calendar. Our kids will be off with their friends for over-nights, parties, sporting events, and what not. They won’t be interested in sitting on our laps or competing for our attention anymore. They’ll be living their own lives. They won’t spend as much time trying to one-up each other, or burst our ear drums with their wailing and screeching (at least I hope not). I know this time of peace will come...when we start to feel more like empty-nesters, and “boring” adults who watch the nightly news, drink expensive wine, and lounge on the couch. But man, am I looking forward to being “so un-cool!”
But in the meantime, I’ll try to take those “looks” in stride, and send as few of them as I can manage. Some days are easier than others; we all have our good days and not-so-good days. Parenting is all about managing your mood, slapping on a good attitude, rolling with the punches, and backing-up your spouse. It’s a team effort, through and through. And I sure am fortunate to have a good shipmate- one who’s got my back, and his own arsenal of creative ploys to get our boys behaving like saints! I’m one lucky gal.
Happy Valentine's Day!
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